Having finally given in and ordered SKY (hey Eastenders twice a week) I braced myself for the inevitable ‘Italian’ 6 week delay for the engineer to call.
Imagine my surprise when 24 hours after signing up he called to say he’d be round on Monday at 9:20 to fit my new dish. Imagine my even greater surprise when he actually turned up on Monday at 9:20 with a dish and a box.
So now I’m sitting typing this whilst watching Sky, right?
When he arrived on MONDAY at 9:20 he didn’t have the right ‘bit’ to fit the dish to the balcony. Please consider that every house in Italy (almost) has a flaming balcony and guess where their satellite dishes are? Yes, correct, on the balcony.
‘Not to worry, I’ll just pop and get one’ he said ‘I’ll be back after lunch’
He didn’t specify which lunch he meant and apparently it wasn’t Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday lunch.
Now of course if one was in London, one would just pick up the phone, dial the SKY help desk and scream ‘WHERE’S MY FUCKING ENGINEER WITH THE FUCKING BALCONY BIT?’ and before you knew it he’d be there, tail (or bit) between his legs.
But this isn’t London this is ITALY. Here nobody answers the phone on help desks, they’re at lunch, or out smoking a fag, or busy necking in their car. And here nobody gets wound up when their non-specific workman fails to show, if they did they’d all be dead of high blood pressure by 30, despite the olive oil.
So in the style of the natives I have just been shrugging my shoulders and saying that’s cool, no SKY no problem, where’s the problem?
Oh yes he called today.
‘hey there it’s me SKY guy’ he said ‘I’ve managed to get that bit and I’ll be round at 5, see you real soon, bet you’re looking forward to watching some great TV, well wont be long now’
I know you know what’s coming.
You know he didn’t show don’t you?
In fact you knew he wasn’t going to show even before he rang didn’t you?
I on the other hand let that BLEEPING BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPER trick me once again. Mannaggia!
It’s Saturday and he’s just called to say he’s coming at 14:30. At this point the odds of him actually turning up are about even. Stef says if he doesn’t come he’ll hunt the bleeder down and mount him to the balcony. With or without a bracket.